brexit wrestling
The European Union has been betrayed by its longtime tag partner, the United Kingdom.

Britain has splintered from the European Union in the so-called Brexit — a brand split that will see the main roster of Europe divided, akin to WWE’s upcoming split between Raw and Smackdown.

Here’s a handy primer to help wrestling fans understand an event that Michael Cole has described (accurately, for once) as “history in the making.”

What is Brexit? 

It’s a clunky portmanteau of the words “Britain” and “exit,” similar to (but less clever than) JeriShow, ShoMiz, Breezango, and Glamarella.

How did it happen?

Citizens of the Britain voted in a referendum, which is like a WWE App poll, except the result actually matters.

The referendum was called by Prime Minister David Cameron, the Vince McMahon of the United Kingdom. Cameron believed members of the UK Universe would vote for continued tagging with Europe, but it was an XFL-calibre miscalculation.

Cameron was out of touch with with the fanbase, a majority of whom chanted “We want Brex-it (clap-clap-clapclapclap)” and voted in favor of the brand split.

Now what? 

It turns out the referendum had a loser-leaves-town stipulation, as Cameron immediately announced his resignation (“I need to find my smile,” he said). Speculation abounds as to whether London Mayor Boris Johnson — the John Laurinaitis of England — will be named the new General Manager of the UK.

The fallout of the EU brand split has been immediate, sending economy into a TNA-like realm of turbulence and uncertainty.

It is believed that many member countries of the European Union — such as Bulgaria (Rusev), Ireland (Sheamus), Poland (Ivan Putski), and Portugal (Aldo Montoya) — may soon fail Economic Wellness Policy tests and be financially future-endeavoured.

While those who voted in favor of the UK brand split (typically jaded smarks who don’t like “today’s product”) believe they were preserving old-school values, many worldwide have labelled the separatists, in the words of Chris Jericho, stupid idiots.


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