Britain has splintered from the European Union in the so-called Brexit — a brand split that will see the main roster of Europe divided, akin to WWE’s upcoming split between Raw and Smackdown.

Here’s a handy primer to help wrestling fans understand an event that Michael Cole has described (accurately, for once) as “history in the making.”

What is Brexit? 

It’s a clunky portmanteau of the words “Britain” and “exit,” similar to (but less clever than) JeriShow, ShoMiz, Breezango, and Glamarella.

How did it happen?

Citizens of the Britain voted in a referendum, which is like a WWE App poll, except the result actually matters.

The referendum was called by former Prime Minister David Cameron, who was once the Vince McMahon of the United Kingdom, but is now its Ted Turner. Cameron believed members of the UK Universe would vote for continued tagging with Europe, but it was an XFL-calibre miscalculation.

Cameron was out of touch with the fanbase, a majority of whom chanted “We want Brex-it (clap-clap-clapclapclap)” and voted in favor of the brand split.

Now what? 

It turns out the referendum had a loser-leaves-town stipulation, as Cameron immediately announced his resignation (“I need to find my smile,” he said). Former London Mayor (i.e. general manager of the London brand) Boris Johnson is now the evil genius CEO of the UK, with hair and demeanor inspired by WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump.

The fallout of the EU brand split has been immediate, sending economy into a TNA-like realm of turbulence and uncertainty.

It is believed that many member countries of the European Union — such as Bulgaria (Rusev), Ireland (Sheamus), Poland (Ivan Putski), and Portugal (Aldo Montoya) — may soon fail Economic Wellness Policy tests and be financially future-endeavoured.

While those who voted in favor of the UK brand split (typically jaded smarks who don’t like “today’s product”) believe they were preserving old-school values, many worldwide have labelled the separatists, in the words of Chris Jericho, stupid idiots.

A general election was held in December, which pitted three rival brands against one another, much like the recent Survivor Series event. The “marks” of the UK overwhelmingly voted in favour of the blue brand, which means Brexit will likely end with a schmozzle and some kind of screwjob finish.

The whole Brexit PPV is basically a poorly booked show with bad creative and no coherent storylines.

Enjoy our nonsense? Prove it. Wear this! 

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