Stunning revelations are coming out of World Wrestling Entertainment — and, somewhat less important on the scale of revered institutions, The Vatican — today.

As always, Kayfabe News first on the scene, and anchorman Philip N. Marx is in our studio to deliver his late-breaking news.

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Today’s episode is brought to you by WooChew, the male enhancement gum that will revitalize Space Mountain and put a spring back in your strut.*

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