Stunning revelations are coming out of World Wrestling Entertainment — and, somewhat less important on the scale of revered institutions, The Vatican — today.

As always, Kayfabe News first on the scene, and anchorman Philip N. Marx is in our studio to deliver his late-breaking news.

Programming note: Due to overwhelming popular demand, The Kayfabe News newscast will now be released twice a week, on Monday’s and Fridays. Subscribe and turn on notifications to ensure you never miss one. If you don’t subscribe, we don’t feed Philip N. Marx his daily bucket of fish heads and Rogaine.

Today’s episode is brought to you by WooChew, the male enhancement gum that will revitalize Space Mountain and put a spring back in your strut.*

* Do not chew WooChew if you have a heart condition, a family history of herpes, a spleen, inner-ear problems, a cat, an odd number of fingers, erectile dysfunction, erectile function, or lost-smile syndrome.


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