Spattered in blood and wallowing in remorse, professional wrestler Booker T immediately regretted shucking ducks earlier today, despite talking enthusiastically about the act for months.
“Tell me I did not just do that,” sobbed the wrestler-turned-commentator, who now feels terrible about popularizing the phrase “shucky-ducky-quack-quack” among wrestling fans.
Armed with a flat, wide knife typically used for shucking clams and other molluscs, Booker T shucked — essentially skinned and disemboweled — a gaggle of mallards, which squawked in agony during the grisly process.
Booker T’s trademark smile suddenly turned to a horrified grimace as he realized that, for months, he has been urging wrestling fans to partake in a barbaric act of animal cruelty rather than providing coherent wrestling commentary.
When asked how many times he shucked ducks before coming to his senses, the former King of the Ring wiped a tear, hung his head and replied in a near-whisper: “Five times, five times, five times, five times, five times.”
The Wyatt Family has urged Booker T to not follow the buzzards.