Fans of plodding, low-flying action are in store for a treat when the stars of WWE’s new Superheavyweight Division get their very own showcase on the WWE Network, called 405 Live.

The main event — and, indeed, the only event — currently booked for Thursday’s series premiere will pit Big Show against Mark Henry, because they are currently the only two wrestlers on the roster who surpass the 405-pound minimum weight.

Although the roster currently includes only two competitors (which is only slightly less than the Cruiserweight Division), rumors abound that WWE COO Triple H has been scouting potential signees including:

• The Yeti (pronounced “yet-tay”)
• The Great Khali (currently working his native India as a telephone pole)
• All five original members of the Spirt Squad duct-taped together
• Yo momma

According to backstage rumours, Braun Strowman has been trying to bulk up to qualify for the division by eating everything in sight, including James Ellsworth.