After nearly 20 years of US military activities in Afghanistan, American president and non-WWE-Hall-of-Famer Joe Biden has announced that all American troops will return home this year “because World Wrestling Entertainment no longer does those awesome Tribute to the Troops shows over there.”

Speaking at the White House Briefing Room, Biden said “there is no longer any point” in the US occupation of Afghanistan because “WWE is just starting to tour the US, and won’t be touring overseas for a long time yet.” 

Amid the height of America’s post-9/11 revenge fantasy, US servicemen and servicewomen in Afghanistan were treated to annual sports-entertainment events on their bases, and WWE’s top superstars got to pretend to drive tanks and helicopters like the oversized manchildren they are. 

WWE is reportedly looking for another global warzone where they can entertain American troops, and is reportedly planning a new “Tribute to the Troops” show which will be broadcast from the fallen capitol city of America’s newest and most dangerous enemy on the geopolitical stage, Washington DC.