Last night’s WWE Royal Rumble was “the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen,” raved a 19-year-old first-time viewer who grew up on a poor South American village with no access to outside entertainment. 

“Brock Lesnar winning — I mean, wow, I did not see that coming,” continued Jorge Calverra, who watched last-night’s event with the kind of childlike, wide-eyed surprise and glee that the rest of us have long, long forgotten. 

Whereas The New York Post described the event as “very predictable and mostly underwhelming,” young Jorge could barely contain his amazement at the sight of 30 larger-than-life human cartoons throwing one another out of a ring. 

“That was literally the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen,” said Jorge, who had spent most of his life thinking that watching his uncle juggle bowling pins was the most amazing thing he would ever witness. 

Jorge watched the entire event utterly captivated by its action and razzle-dazzle, from the appearance of Bad Bunny to a shocking disqualification finish in a title bout. 

“Is WWE always this amazing?” asked Jorge. “I can’t imagine anything topping that Royal Rumble.” 

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