george steeleAfter a lifetime devoted to brightening the days of others, George “The Animal” Steele has dashed with arms flailing into the blissful afterlife, where the turnbuckle pads are delicious and infinite.

Clutching his favorite stuffed toy, “Mine,” the good-hearted grappler charged today through the Pearly Gates of Heaven, hollering “You” at Saint Peter before diving into a pile of pillowy turnbuckles that stretch as far as the eye can see.

Waiting for him there was Miss Elizabeth, holding the bouquet of roses that Steele attempted to give her years ago. Instead of being thwarted by Randy Savage this time, however, the “Macho Man” gave the Animal a warm hug and said: “Welcome home, brother, ooh, yeah.”

Bathed in a rapturous light and awash in the music of angels, the Animal then sank his teeth into countless turnbuckles, tearing loose the stuffing and joyously hurling it skyward like celebratory confetti.

According to sources within Heaven, Gorilla Monsoon was delighted by the spectacle, Andre the Giant boomed with laughter, and God playfully stuck out his tongue, which he had dyed green for the occasion.