shawn michaels hair
Shawn Michaels (left, shiny) hopes nobody noticed that his hair has been getting “a bit thin.”

More than 25 years after his popular hair salon was callously destroyed by Shawn Michaels (who used the head and body of Marty Janetty to do so), Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake is enjoying the “poetic justice” of seeing a wholly bald Michaels on WWE Raw this week.

“Serves him right,” said Beefcake, who never recuperated the financial losses he incurred due to a broken window and other damages caused by Michaels’ 1991 tantrum.

“It seems Father Time accomplished what I could not,” added Beefcake, strutting cockily while making snip-snip gestures with his fingers.

During the 1980s, both Beefcake and Michaels sported lush, flowing mullet hairstyles, which gradually became thinner and receded further amid the inexorable march of time. Beefcake longed to see Michaels go fully bald first, and was thus delighted to see the so-called Heartbreak Kid’s cranium looking vaguely scrotal this week.

Michaels has for many years attempted to hide his escalating baldness with a ponytail and cowboy hat, though it was clear to everyone except him that such subterfuge only accentuated his insecurity over his male pattern baldness.

Michaels sought advice from longtime wrestling star Hulk Hogan, but was quickly rebuffed by the Hulkster: “What are you talking about, brother? I’ve got a full head of hair under this bandana, dude!”

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