Bayley arrested
While Bayley awaits trial, she must abide by a restraining order to stay 100 yards away from tube people (inset), and hug no one.

It seems that professional sports-entertainer Bayley [SURNAME UNKNOWN] might soon doling out hugs behind bars, given her arrest today in connection with a spate of robberies that have left used-car dealerships across the country bereft of wacky waving arm-flailing inflatable tube men.

The Sarasota Police Department apprehended Bayley this morning during a routine traffic stop on I-75, after an inspection of her vehicle’s trunk uncovered 19 un-inflated humanoid novelties, a number of which have allegedly accompanied her ring-entrances on World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) programming.

A forensic analysis of the wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube men linked them to car dealerships in cities that, when cross-referenced against Bayley’s touring schedule for WWE, matched her movements across the United States.

A spokesperson for Bayley, identified only as S. Banks, said in a prepared statement that the allegations that Bayley is the infamous “Tube Man Bandit” are “spurious and baseless,” but the spokesperson refused to answer questions as to where Bayley had obtained the tube men, or why tube men are her mascots in the first place.

WWE has suspended Bayley “until the matter is resolved,” though leaked documents reveal that a person named V.K. McMahon paid the $250,000 to have Bayley released on bayl.


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