kevin owens wwe contract
This image, leaked from WWE headquarters, seems to reveal the plan for Kevin Owens’ new gimmick.

A frustrated and beleaguered Kevin Owens “quit” World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) this week on Monday Night Raw, but an anonymous source has assured Kayfabe News he will return after a brief hiatus to portray golden-haired, patriotic American babyface.

“Vince (McMahon) says Owens can be the next Hulk Hogan, or even the next Lex Luger,” said the backstage source, who asked, for the sake of anonymity, to be identified only as B. Kidman.

According to rumors, McMahon has been determined to create a “Real American” hero in WWE — allegedly due to an executive order from US “President” Donald Trump mandating it — and saw Owens’ resignation as the perfect opportunity for such a reinvention.

Many other WWE executives were reportedly against the idea, based on the grounds that Owens is French-Canadian, pale-skinned and pleasantly plump.

The proposal was put to a vote at WWE’s Connecticut headquarters, and although those against the idea far outnumbered those in favor, McMahon reportedly claimed victory via “my own goddamn electoral college, quite frankly.”

Owens is expected to debut on the October 22 episode of Raw, where he will face a repackaged Shinsuke Nakamura portraying the Korean heel character Kim Jong Bundy.