wwe universe
A scan of the cosmic microwave background by the Planck Satellite revealed that the WWE Multiversal Championship only changes hands on cosmological time scales.

A team of Harvard astrophysicists announced today that the known WWE Universe is just one of an incalculable number of WWE Universes in an infinite cosmic expanse known as the WWE Multiverse.

The theoretical notion of a WWE Universe dates back to the 1950s, when physicist Erwin Schrodinger proposed an experiment in which a wrestling fan locked in a box can, according to the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics, be considered both a “mark” and a “smark” simultaneously.

Though the WWE Multiverse was merely a theoretical construct for decades, Harvard physicist D. A. Sandow announced this week the detection of an “infinite number of parallel WWE Universes in which every conceivable alternate storyline and outcome are realities.”

For example, in just one of the parallel WWE Universes:

  • Kate Vick is alive and well
  • The Undertaker has never won a WrestleMania match
  • The XFL was a blockbuster success and almost immediately put the NFL out of business
  • The two words DX has for ya are: “Obsequious Dingleberries.”
  • Donald Trump gets his head shaved by Vince McMahon, retreats into shame-filled exile, and the United States earns global respect under the presidency of Demolition Smash.

According to the Harvard research team, the WWE Multiversal Champion is, and always will be, Brock Lesnar.

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