vintage orton
Although Ortons are generally depreciating in value, a vintage Orton like this one can draw a good gate.

A woman from rural Missouri received the surprise of a lifetime when, during an appearance on the television program Antiques Roadshow, she learned that she was in possession of a vintage Orton.

“Really?” the 67-year-old woman gasped when an appraiser told her the vintage Orton is likely worth a salary in the high-six figures, plus a percentage of merchandise. “I just found him gathering dust in my attic!”

The vintage Orton appeared to be in mint condition, except for a recurring shoulder injury and permanent aesthetic damage to very ill-advised tattooing choices.

The woman expressed surprise that she had a vintage Orton in her attic at all, saying that it seemed to appear “outta nowhere.”

She did wonder, however, if the Orton was somehow connected to luggage in her attic that appeared to have been defecated into.

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