Citizens of the United States of America have been slapped with a 30-day suspension after a national test of sanity revealed they are in collective violation of the United Nations’ Mental Wellness Policy.

For their own good, Americans will be required to stay home for the next month, banned from making any decisions requiring critical thinking, tolerance or reason.

Some experts believe the punishment is unduly harsh — since the majority of Americans did actually make the less-crazy decision — but the United Nations is steadfast in its policy on numbskullery.

Because this is America’s first major violation of the Mental Wellness Policy (gun laws notwithstanding), the suspension will be for only 30 days.

But if the country amasses “three strikes” — which seems inevitable, likely within the next several weeks — it will be wished the best on its future endeavours and be banished from planet Earth.

The United States also tested positive for performance-diminishing shortsightedness.