Legendary professional sports-entertainer Ric Flair has, after a lifetime of sobriety and abstinence, finally married the woman with whom he feels comfortable having a sexual relationship.

After a tender four minutes of lovemaking, Flair reportedly quenched his thirst with a Bud Light Lime, marking the first time an alcoholic beverage has ever passed his lips.

For more on this breaking story, let’s head to Kayfabe News World Headquarters in Saudi Arabia Orlando, where lead anchorman Philip N. Marx is standing by: