In a shocking business deal that nobody saw coming, AEW (All Elite Wrestling) has been sold to Saudi investors in a “merger” that will unite AEW with the Saudi WIV Wrestling league.

The controversial deal, which AEW boss Tony “Killer” Khan previously insisted would never happen, comes with enormous signing bonuses and generous salaries for AEW talent, including: 

• Chris Jericho: $40 million signing bonus, $3 million per match, four Fozzy concerts to packed soccer stadiums of people required by law to enjoy 
• Charles Montgomery (CM) Punk: $60 million signing bonus, $2 million per match, $1 million per backstage-drama-queen-walkout
• MJF: $44 million signing bonus, unlimited scarves for life 
• Luchasaurus: $23 million signing bonus, 55 pounds of raw fish daily
• Phil Mickelson (pro golfer): $46 million signing bonus just to sit ringside and watch

The surprise merger seems to undercut an existing relationship between Saudi Arabia and competitor World Wrestling Entertainment, which has hosted numerous live events in the Middle Eastern country including “Crown Jewel” and “The Greatest Royal Rumble” and “The Most Bestest Survivor in the Bank.”