mixed royal rumbleIn its ongoing progression toward full gender equality, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced that the 2019 instalment of the popular “Royal Rumble” pay-per-view will feature a 60-person over-the-top-rope elimination battle royal.

The announcement comes on the heels of the revelation that this year’s Royal Rumble event will include a 30-woman battle royal featuring 15 members of the current Women’s Division, as well as several returning “Divas” of the past, three former Nitro Girls, two Rockettes, and James Ellsworth.

“A mixed-gender Royal Rumble is the next logical step,” said WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley at a press conference this morning. “All Superstars are created equal.”

Some pundits, however, have questioned whether diminutive women like Alexa Bliss (75 lbs., three apples high) stand a chance in a match against gargantuan competitors like Braun Strowman (385 lbs., elephantine) and Brock Lensar (268 lbs. 6’3″ when walking upright).

A WWE spokesperson, however, dismissed such skepticism as “sexist,” insisting that any superstar, male or female, could win the Royal Rumble.

“Except,” added the spokesperson, “for Curt Hawkins, of course.”