mixed royal rumbleIn its ongoing progression toward full gender equality, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced that the 2019 instalment of the popular “Royal Rumble” pay-per-view will feature a 60-person over-the-top-rope elimination battle royal.

The announcement comes on the heels of the revelation that this year’s Royal Rumble event will include a 30-woman battle royal featuring 15 members of the current Women’s Division, as well as several returning “Divas” of the past, three former Nitro Girls, two Rockettes, and James Ellsworth.

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“A mixed-gender Royal Rumble is the next logical step,” said WWE COO Hunter Hearst Helmsley at a press conference this morning. “All Superstars are created equal.”

Some pundits, however, have questioned whether diminutive women like Alexa Bliss (75 lbs., three apples high) stand a chance in a match against gargantuan competitors like Braun Strowman (385 lbs., elephantine) and Brock Lensar (268 lbs. 6’3″ when walking upright).

A WWE spokesperson, however, dismissed such skepticism as “sexist,” insisting that any superstar, male or female, could win the Royal Rumble.

“Except,” added the spokesperson, “for Curt Hawkins, of course.”

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