World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon was shocked and devastated to learn today that professional wrestling is a choreographed spectacle in which the outcomes are predetermined.
“Wait, what?!” exclaimed the sports entertainment impresario, who has turned WWE into a billion-dollar corporate juggernaut, despite his fundamental misunderstanding of how wrestling works.
“You’re telling me the matches… aren’t real fights?”
McMahon’s face reddened with a combination of anger and embarrassment as he learned that professional wrestling is an elaborate pantomime in which the violence is simulated and the aggression is mostly theatrical.
For decades, WWE wrestlers have kept McMahon in the dark about how they secretly co-operate with each other in the ring to make matches more entertaining for the fans.
Although the majority of wrestling fans understand that wrestling is a “work” (a rigged spectacle that is more showbiz than legitimate sporting competition), McMahon was completely unaware until he overhead a backstage conversation this morning.
According to backstage sources, McMahon is “furious” that WWE talent have been “faking it” in the ring all these years.
McMahon stormed off to his private office, muttering something about “buying TNA,” because “they fight for real.”