Amid abysmal approval ratings, US President Donald Trump tried to turn things around today by unveiling his latest gimmick, dubbed “The New American Dream.”
Clad in a yellow polka-dotted spandex vest and trunks, Trump came bounding out of the oval office, swivelling his hips and wiggling his porcine, orange-painted belly.
Has-been alt-rockers Three Door Down accompanied his appearance with a live rendition of “Common Man,” the former theme song of the late, great Dusty Rhodes, whom Trump is emulating with the new gimmick.
Trump was soon joined in the dancing by a stout African-American woman, also wearing polka-dotted attire, whom Trump later identified only as “Ruby.”
It is believed that Trump’s transformation is an ill-conceived attempt at a babyface turn, in the wake of countless protests and marches around the world in response to his heelish comments about gender, race, immigration, and pussy-grabbing.
When asked about the protests, Trump answered with a lisping Texan drawl: “Oh, have merthy, daddy, these are hard timesth, baby, hard timesth. Bigly hard.”