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Terminator sent from future to prevent Cena’s next title win

Cena 16-time

A Series-800 Terminator (right) poised to fulfil its operational instructions (and will take out Nikki Bella for good measure).

A robot mercenary from the future known as a Terminator has reportedly been sent back in time to prevent professional wrestler John Cena from winning the WWE World Championship for a 16th time.

The Terminator — a Skynet Series-800 cybernetic organism made of living tissue over a hyperalloy endoskeleton to resemble an aging bodybuilder — arrived at WWE’s Connecticut headquarters yesterday, wearing leather biker clothes and a “Kill Steen Kill” t-shirt.

Speaking with an Austrian accent for reasons unclear, the android demanded to speak to Hunter Hearst Helmsley, saying: “Listen to me if you want your company to live.”

The humanoid cyborg then explained that, unless Cena is prevented from winning the WWE Championship in the near future, the so-called WWE Universe will suffer a disastrous cataclysm, the only survivors of which will be children under the age of 12 who like to wear brightly colored t-shirts and headbands.

The Terminator then embarked on a mission to destroy Cena and save the future, tracking him down while he was shopping for handbags and looking bored with girlfriend Nikki Bella.

The Terminator peppered Cena with thousands of bullets and hurled him into a vat of molten steel, but witnesses reported that Cena still managed to kick out at two.


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