Professional wrestler Brock Lesnar seemed to be displaying a softer, gentler side of his personality this morning when he granted a Make-A-Wish request, but the occasion turned nightmarish when Lesnar began eating the sick child he was visiting.
After signing autographs and even smiling for eight-year-old Timmy McCutcheon at a Minneapolis Hospital, Lesnar suddenly became agitated, snorting out of flared nostrils and shrieking like a pterodactyl.
Lesnar’s handler, Paul Heyman, tried to soothe the increasingly hostile beast by singing a variation of The Battle Hymn of the Republic, but this seemed only to make Lesnar more irate.
Before security guards could arrive, Lesnar had cinched Timmy’s arm into a hammerlock and begun chewing off the boy’s left hand and forearm.
When it looked as if Lesnar was detaching his own jaw in order to swallow Timmy whole, security guards subdued the beast with a barrage of tranquilizer darts to the posterior.
A groggy Lesnar was later released onto a nearby wildlife preserve, where he immediately German-suplexed a moose.
Timmy, meanwhile, is in stable condition after having his hand and forearm reattached, and described the entire ordeal to reporters as “a dream come true.”