After creating an online frenzy with the publication of nude photos highlighting her plentiful posterior, vapid celebrity tart Kim Kardashian announced today she will join World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) to resurrect the role of Rikishi.
Kardashian said on Twitter that she intends to “back that ass up” into her opponents, reprising the role made famous in the late 1990s by Samoan wrestler Salofa Fatu Jr. (who, like all Samoan people, is a member of The Rock’s immediate family).
Thanks to her impossibly rotund gluteus maximus, Kardashian has managed to become even more famous than before, while still literally doing nothing to deserve such fame and the accompanying fortune.
In WWE, however, she will be expected to demonstrate some semblance of talent by performing the so-called “Stinkface” finishing maneuver, in which she places her buttocks on the face of a dazed opponent.
Some wrestling pundits have pointed out that Kardashian’s rump is not as dimpled with cellulite as the original Rikishi’s, but Hollywood insiders retort that, without the benefit of Photoshop, the two butts are virtually identical.
It is unclear whether Kardashian is clever enough to remember the intricacies of the Stinkface maneuver (1. waddle backwards, 2. wiggle buttocks), so it is believed she might require the assistance and coaching of her other big ass: Kanye West.