World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) continued to make mainstream media headlines today with the announcement that an upcoming episode of Raw will be guest-hosted by a hugely popular inanimate carbon rod.
Despite being completely inert, albeit dangerously radioactive, the rod is expected to inject some much-needed excitement during the interminable, two-and-a-half hour stretch between Raw’s opening segment and main event.
The green, foot-long rod first rose to popularity in the 1990s after being named “Worker of the Week” at a nuclear power plant in Springfield (state unknown).
But the rod’s true breakout success came when it saved a crew of astronauts from near-certain death by preventing a shuttle door from opening during re-entry. The rod’s heroism was encapsulated in a Time magazine cover story, “In Rod We Trust.”
The rod’s inability to talk or move of its own volition is not expected to impede its guest-hosting abilities, since such limitations didn’t seem to deter Betty White or Kevin Federline.
The majority of wrestling fans are looking forward to the rod’s scheduled interactions with John Cena, because it might give Cena a nasty case of radiation poisoning.