God, the omnipotent creator of the Heavens and the Earth, was reportedly so upset over the outcome of last night’s Royal Rumble event that He clobbered the northeastern states of America with a snowstorm of biblical proportions, forcing the cancellation of tonight’s Monday Night Raw event.
“Roman Reigns, seriously?!” God bellowed from his glimmering celestial throne last night, his rancor reverberating throughout the entire universe.
“Even The Rock can’t get that guy over!”
Although typically an all-loving and forgiving deity, God has a short temper when it comes to shoddy booking in professional wrestling — especially since the time He and Shawn Michaels lost a tag match to the McMahons.
“I give humans free will and this is what they come up with?” raged God while Reigns celebrated his unpopular victory.
“So we get Lesnar versus Reigns at ‘Mania? I’m cancelling my subscription to the WWE Network.”
Earlier today, God instructed His earthly representative, Mordecai, to return to WWE and restore some semblance of decency.