While picking apart the rotting flesh of a flattened armadillo on a Texas highway today, a pair of buzzards couldn’t shake the eerie feeling that they were being followed.
The smaller buzzard of the pair glanced up from the carrion and turned its head to look down the vast highway behind it, but could see nothing but hot concrete and dust.
Yet the feeling persisted, as it has for nearly a year, that someone — or something — was being compelled, perhaps by some kind of cultlike commandment from a charismatic madman, to follow the buzzards.
On several occasions recently, one of the buzzards was certain it had heard a barely audible whisper saying “we’re here,” although the words were meaningless to the small-brained bird.
The buzzards are unaware, of course, that Bray Wyatt, a charismatic psychopath and professional wrestler, regularly tells viewers of World Wrestling Entertainment to “follow the buzzards.”
The buzzards have never seen Wyatt, of course, because they prefer TNA.