A little-known verse in the biblical Book of Austin — Chapter 3, Verse 17 — seems to contradict the violent message extolled in the more popular verse that precedes it.

Although most people are familiar with Austin 3:16 (“I just whipped your ass”), few are aware of the remorseful, peacemaking tone of the Austin 3:17 (“And Austin sayeth unto the sore-assed, ‘I apologize for whipping your ass.'”).

Often used as a rallying cry for aggression, the Book of Austin is actually a parable about the futility of violence and the importance of forgiveness.

Biblical scholars unanimously agree that the Book of Austin has been misinterpreted since it was discovered in the 1990s and co-opted by a major professional wrestling organization in order to sell t-shirts.

Some translations of The Book of Austin indicate that the “ass” in question is not a human posterior, but instead a donkey.

Debate among theologians continues over the meaning of the obscure Austin 3:18, which simply reads: “What?!”