Austin 3:14 says "I just calculated your circumference" - Kayfabe News twitter google

Austin 3:14 says “I just calculated your circumference”

Book of Austin

Austin 3:14 is one of the lesser-known verses in the Book of Austin, even though it goes on for infinity.

Whereas “Austin 3:16” remains synonymous with ass-whupping among wrestling fans worldwide, few are familiar with the relatively obscure “Austin 3:14” verse, which refers to the “whupping” (or calculating) of a circle’s circumference in relation to its radius.

Legendary pro wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin almost never mentions the Austin 3:14 verse, even though it, more than any other verse in the Book of Austin, refers directly to the concept of a “squared circle.”

As one of the lesser-known books of the Bible, the Book of Austin contains a number chapters and verses that have failed to gain the same widespread popularity as the 16th verse of the third chapter.

Theologian and biblical scholar Mordecai Thorn, however, has uncovered a trove of historically overlooked phrases from the Book of Austin, including:

  • Austin 6:19 — “I just whupped your little luchador.”
  • Austin 9:99 — “I just subscribed to your network.”
  • Austin 4:20 — “I’m just gonna sit here with some Doritos and chill for a while.”

It is believed that Steve Austin rarely utters the Austin 3:14 verse because once he gets started, he typically ends up reciting an infinite number of decimal places, and the audience quickly grows tired of chanting “WHAT?!”


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