A team of NASA astronomers announced this morning that the Kepler Space Observatory has detected the reigning Universal Champion, a reptilian professional wrestler on an exoplanet 2.57 million light years distant from Earth in the Andromeda galaxy.
The discovery of the Universal Champion casts doubt on the legitimacy of tonight’s SummerSlam main event, which pits a pair of earthlings, Finn Balor against Seth Rollins, for the supposed Universal Championship.
According to the astronomers, Zydnar “The Octobeast Incarnate” Beeblebrox, an eight-tentacled lithium-based submission specialist, won the Universal Championship from Max Moon last April at WrestleCosmos XCVIII in Alpha Centauri.
“Clearly WWE is overstating the jurisdiction of its new championship,” said Dr. Robert Ward, lead scientist of the Kepler Telescope collaboration.
“At best, Rollins and Balor are competing for the Milky Way Championship.”