Promising it will “revolutionize sports entertainment,” World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) announced this morning that it is switching from a traditional squared circle to a high-tech cubed circle.

“Quite frankly, we’re adding another dimension to WWE,” said company mogul Vincent McMahon. “We think the old cliche of a squared circle is, quite frankly, passe.”

In the new cubed circle, wrestlers will be surrounded on all sides by a kind of wrestling tesseract, with turnbuckles directing ropes in new directions.

McMahon said the cubed circle allows for more action and excitement:

  • There are eight different “top ropes” from which wrestlers can leap
  • The audience surrounds the cubed circle in a 360-degree arena called the ThunderSphere
  • Battle royals are won by the competitor who can mathematically calculate the cubed circle’s radius

Some scientists fear that a big enough collision inside a cubed circle — such as a big show superplex — could collapse the cubed circle into a black hole that swallows our solar system.

Leave a Comment