universal championship
Unlike the Universal Championship, the Interuniversal Championship will be defended on Earth several times per solar cycle.

In response to recurring complaints about the infrequently with which the WWE Universal Championship is defended, World Wrestling Entertainment announced today the new “Interuniversal Championship,” which will be held by promising mid-carders who compete at least 320 times a year.

Much like the Intercontinental Championship, which is typically considered a stepping stone toward main-event stardom — as evidenced by previous titleholders including Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels and, most famously, Ahmed Johnson — the Interuniversal Championship is expected to change hands frequently and inconsequentially.

Because WWE Universal Champion Brock Lesnar defends his championship on Earth only on a quarterly basis (he defends it in distant galaxies across the universe on a nightly basis), the Interuniversal Champion will represent a smaller interstellar region — spanning the Milky Way, the Andromeda Galaxy, and the “northeast territory” of the Ursa Major II Dwarf Galaxy.

The inaugural Interuniversal Champion, Curt Hawkins, was crowned last night at a tournament in Rio de Janoxxxium Sector Z9, a nebula roughly 71 million light years from Earth, although no footage from the tournament seems to be available.

It is expected that Hawkins will lose the title this week to a second-generation superintelligent gaseous cloud of ziridium particles.