In what is surely destined to be a plodding and depressing display, a handful of WWE cast-offs and obscure “indy” wrestlers will perform for a small audience of yokels tonight at an event ironically titled “All In.”

Posters for the rinkydink event — which have been taped to several-dozen lampposts in a Chicago suburb for the past month — depict former WWE mid-carder “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (remember him? He had a moustache!) headlining the show against someone named Rick Aldis.

Also booked on the pathetic card:

• Kenny Umaga (presumably some kind of Samoan wannabe)
•  The Brisco Brothers, shamelessly pretending to be Gerald and Jack Brisco
• A 15-man over-the-top-rope battle royal, featuring former WWE jabroni Rockabilly
• Someone claiming to be Rey Mysterio
• “The Fallen Dragon” Christopher Danielson
• A pair of teenagers called The Young Bucks, who are probably named Shawn and Marty

Tickets are presumably available at the door, likely for $5 apiece or a donation to the local food bank, and we assume front-row seats are still available.

True fans of professional wrestling, however, will be far more interested in tonight’s new episode of Miz & Mrs.

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