WWE grades cities
This fan scores an A+ on WWE’s grading scale.

Leaked documents tied to a lawsuit filed by World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) reveal that the sports-entertainment company assigns a letter grade — from A to F — to each of its millions of fans to denote a given fan’s willingness to put up with nonsense and spend copious amounts of money.

According to the documents, fans who receive a score of “A” are the spoiled children of wealthy parents who buy every piece of merchandise on WWEShop.com, and who splurge thousands of dollars to sit ringside at pay-per-view events because they get to keep the chair.

A fan who ranks an “F,” on the other hand, is a self-described “IWC smark” who only buys sarcastic Top Rope Tuesday shirts, illegally pirates the WWE Network to watch old Clash of Champions events, and spends countless hours criticizing “the Fed” in online forums.

The documents contain the following “Quick Fan-Ranking” guide:

  • A: Fan wants new Cena merch every bi-weekly color change; thought WrestleMania 31 was “best one ever”; believes it’s all real fighting and doesn’t try it at home.
  • B: Fan never misses a pay-per-view, regardless of deleterious effects on social life; does “Yes” chant until arms hurt; quickly forgets bad storylines.
  • C: Average fan — covets Paige; doesn’t smell great; contributes $9.99 monthly to WWE.
  • D: Fan brings giant cardboard Colt Cabana head to live events; still wears tattered DX t-shirt; doesn’t cheer Reigns.
  • F: Fan would rather attend indy show than Raw; remembers Katie Vick angle; can name entire roster of Pro Wrestling NOAH.

According to the documents, the long-term sustainability of WWE is assured, because there’s an “A” born every minute.