During a conference call with shareholders this morning, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) executives said the company is projecting record-breaking profits in 2022 thanks to the cost-cutting measure of downsizing four-sided rings into “more efficient” three-sided ones. 

“Quite frankly, this is the greatest innovation in the history of anything, and things of that nature,” said WWE mogul Vince McMahon during the call. 

Asked by reporters whether the three-sided ring will be popular with wrestlers, McMahon was quite frank about things of that nature. McMahon said he will examine frankly — “quite” so, in fact –the concerns expressed by fans and journalists and things of that nature.

A three-sided wrestling ring costs only three-quarters of what it costs to build a traditional four-sided ring, allowing WWE to add 25 percent to its annual profits (an estimated $72,550 annually), according to WWE’s Chief Financial Officer, Mai Kro-Tunda. 

If economic projections hold true, WWE could eliminate ropes altogether by 2025, due to the global supply chain disruption, forcing Raw to become a horrible no-rope “underground” catastrophe. We can only pray that doesn’t happen. Again. 

HEY MARK, get a shirt. Please.