Brock Lesnar, the reigning WWE World Heavyweight Champion, intends to spend tomorrow evening shooting animals on his sprawling Minnesota property, blissfully unaware that his WWE colleagues will be performing in the annual “Hell in a Cell” pay-per-view event.
Despite being the most dominant and notorious Superstar in WWE — having broken the Undertaker’s legendary WrestleMania streak and more recently decimating former champ John Cena — Lesnar is generally oblivious to the goings-on of the company.
Lesnar was recently surprised to learn that the company is no longer called WWF — a branding change that occurred in 2002 due to a copyright dispute between the wrestling organization and the World Wildlife Fund.
According to backstage sources, Lesnar recently suggested he would like to begin a “program” (or long-term feud) with Eddie Guerrero, seemingly unaware that the extraordinary Latino wrestler died nine years ago.
Lesnar’s part-time performance schedule allows him to focus the majority of his time on more important things than defending his championship, such as lifting heavy things, killing pretty things, and continuing his backward evolution toward a cro-Magnon state.
Asked about his future plans with WWE, Lesnar said he is “looking forward to kicking ass at WrestleMania 27, or whichever one is next.”