As a global pandemic continues to hit the global populace right in their collective kissers and breadbaskets, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has once again adjusted its annual WrestleMania spectacular to unfold over four nights.

The so-called Showcase of the Immortals — a preposterous pantomime to be performed pointlessly to a live audience of no one — will take place April 3, 4, 5, and 6, each night a six-hour feat of Sisyphean absurdity.

WWE Kingpin Vince McMahon called the announcement “historic,” to which his daughter and son-in-law reflexively parroted the word “historic” in a near-frantic manner.

In other news: pro wrestling satire, RIP, 2020. This parodical article will likely come true in the time it takes you to sing Shawn Michaels theme song. Have at it.

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