Legendary sports-entertainer The Undertaker revealed today that he got “totally screwed” by boss Vince McMahon, and “can’t wait” to get his “hands all over Vince,” according to a recently published work of erotic fan-fiction written by a shy but sexually curious teen in Iowa.

According to the detailed account, published this morning on Wattpad by 17-year-old Brad Wellesley of Des Moines, McMahon and the so-called Phenom of WWE “got hot and heavy in the locker room” when McMahon accidentally caught a peek of the Deadman showering.

The article, titled “Falling For a Phenom,” describes how a fictional, empathetic Vince McMahon realizes that he has always wanted to “tame the American Badass” and “blow some life into the Deadman.”

The report has not been independently verified, although 17 fans of erotic fanfiction have given the story an upvote, which is basically the same thing.

“Vince, you’re like a father to me,” said the Undertaker, according to the peach-schnapps-fuelled late-night fantasy of the Iowa teen. “I don’t mind if you feel a little scared…. stiff.”

Shocked but flushed, and feeling a tingle in the long-dehydrated grapefruits, McMahon then told the Undertaker “I love you Marc (sic),” and then they “kissed pashonately (sic) for a while until Kane wakled (sic) into the room and joined them.”

At this point in the article, the author is clearly fighting the urge to sleep and failing to arouse even himself, so the tale ends with an abrupt: “Rest in Penis.”

Kayfabe News is working to determine the veracity of this work of erotic fan-fiction, and will provide further details as soon as we finish reading just, like, three or four more of these stories.

If you want to read more erotic WWE fanfiction, go here. Or seek help. Either works.

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