Having retired from his longtime career as the sports-entertainment mogul behind World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), Vince McMahon has adopted a more sedate lifestyle, spending his days feeding ducks and squirrels at a park near his lair. 

His usual expensive three-piece suit replaced by a wool cardigan and slacks pulled up to his pectorals, McMahon now gets a loaf of day-old bread from the corner store every morning at 7 am and heads to Stamford Municipal Park to sit quietly with his “animal pals.”

McMahon retired earlier this year because, according to a WWE press release, he wanted to “relax and enjoy his golden years,” and his retirement had “nothing to do whatsoever with any kind of scandal involving money and/or sex.”

Passersby say McMahon usually sits quietly and keeps to himself, but has been known to shout “what a maneuver” when a squirrel scampers off with a big piece of bread. 

“Quite frankly,” said McMahon, “I’ve never been happier, quite frankly.” 

McMahon usually leaves the park around 3:30pm to take advantage of the early-bird seniors’ special at his local Applebee’s.