trump tweet
Pictured are two wealthy men deserving of the US presidency. Also pictured: Donald Trump.

Despite the recent release of the most comprehensive and dire climate-change report to date, WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump rebutted its findings by pointing out that Austin remains stone cold.

“There is good evidence on both sides — very good evidence, believe me, both sides — and that’s the bottom line,” tweeted Trump.

Trump seemed to be confusing the Texas city of Austin with Steve Austin, the pro wrestler whose “stunner” Trump once took more clumsily than any other human in history.

The Trump administration has been notoriously skeptical of well-established climate science, and Trump says he trusts his “gut” on such matters, even though his gut is a fetid sludge lagoon of cheeseburgers and hate.

During an interview with the Pulitzer-winning investigative journalists of Fox & Friends, the “president” offered several other refutations of climate change:

• Scorpio is still 2 cold

• Big Daddy remains cool

• WCW’s Glacier is still in fine shape

• There is still plenty of Al Snow

Trump furthermore asserted that climate change is just a conspiracy, citing a report from his chief science advisor, R. Truth.