Despite their frequent shouted affirmations that WWE stands for “Walk With Elias,” a new study published this week by Harvard Review of American Slovenliness reveals that an overwhelming majority of wrestling fans would instead waddle with the grappling singer-songwriter.
“As the American lifestyle has become increasingly sedentary — particularly among individuals who spend three hours every Monday evening staring at the television — waddling has become the primary method of bipedal ambulation,” reads the study.
According to statistics, only four percent of wrestling fans are physically capable of briskly “walking” with Elias, whereas the rest would:
- Waddle With Elias (57 percent)
- Wiggle With Elias (13 percent)
- Wheeze With Elias (11 percent)
- Wobble With Elias (9 percent
- Wheelchair With Elias (6 percent)
The study further revealed that, for a significant portion wrestling fans, WWE also stands for “We Want Eclairs.”