strowman wrestlemania opponent
Braun Strowman will “live to regret his truck-flipping ways,” says Optimus Prime.

Vowing to “avenge trucks everywhere” following Braun Strowman’s truck-flipping rampage, Optimus Prime (leader of the Autobots) has signed on to face the “monster among men” at WrestleMania.

The match was announced just hours after Strowman, outraged after being fired by Raw General Manager Kurt Angle, overturned a tractor trailer (which happened to be Prime’s third cousin, Trucky McTruckface).

In a statement issued this morning, Prime said that “Strowman’s aggression against trucks and other vehicles, like my brothers and sisters in the ambulance community, is unacceptable and will not stand.”

A longtime crusader for the forces of good in an civil war against the Decepticons on the planet Cybertron, Prime has reportedly been learning the ropes at the WWE Performance Center, and has only accidentally killed seven humans while trying to learn the monkey flip.

Prime is one of very few viable WrestleMania opponents for Strowman, whose strength and batshit-craziness are virtually unmatched on the WWE roster.

Pundits are saying the match could go either way, given that Strowman and the truck/robot are so evenly matched. Behold:

Tale of the Tape

Height:

Strowman: six-foot-eight.

Optimus Prime: 42-foot-five (when fully transformed into robot form).

Weight:

Strowman: 385 lbs. Optimus Prime: 4.3 tons.

Finishers:

Strowman: Running powerslam and standing triangle choke.

Optimus Prime: Ion blaster, a Barrage cannon, two retractable energon blades extended from forearms.

Catch-Phrase:

Strowman: “I’m not finished with you yet” and “BRRRAAAUUUWUUGHHGHGHGHN”

Optimus Prime: “Autobots, roll out” and “[untranslatable transforming noise]”

 

According to sources within WWE, the Optimus Prime match will lead into a long feud between Strowman and Thomas the Tank Engine.