grammy awards
Look at these pathetic wannabe Slammys. Lame.

Nominations were announced today for the 61st annual Grammy Awards, which are the meaningless prizes given to pop-music dimwits in a pathetic attempt to emulate the glitz, glamor and prestige of the Slammy Awards.

Among the top nominees is Kendrick Lamar, a rapper who doesn’t even have the distinction of having performed at WrestleMania, and whose lyrical flow doesn’t hold a candle to three-time “Superstar of the Year” Slammy winner John Cena.

The Grammy Statuette, a golden phonograph mounted on a black base, is widely considered to be a cheap knockoff of the Slammy Awards, which depicts one (possibly naked) sports-entertainer pressing another over his head.

Past Grammy Award winners include nobodies such as Michael Jackson, Madonna and Bruce Springsteen, whereas the prestigious Slammy Award has been bestowed upon such legendary luminaries as Nikolai Volkoff (Most Ignominious 1987), Irwin R. Schyster (Sweatiest 1994), and Jim Cornette (Best Dressed 1994, Worst Dressed 1995).

The odds-on favourite to win the 2018 Grammy for Album of the Year is Drake’s “Scorpion,” even though most pundits say it pales in comparison to the brilliance of the rap album recently released by Enzo Amore.

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