Sports-entertainment mogul Vincent K. McMahon awoke suddenly today from his daily afternoon nap after making a startling realization: there’s a WWE pay-per-view on tonight.

“Dammit,” McMahon hollered as he scrambled out of bed, frantically pulled a pair of sensible slacks over his tightie-whities, and grabbed his phone. “Start the private jet, pal!

Unfortunately, tonight’s pay-per-view event — which is called Clash of Vengeance or something like that — is happening in Charlotte North Carolina, and McMahon is at his summer mansion in Alaska, where he hunts for the most dangerous game: man.

Despite the 10-hour flight duration, McMahon stubbornly insists he can make it to the event, especially since he just decreed via social media that every bout will now be a 60-minute Iron Man Match.