Professional sports-entertainer Brockley “Brock” Lesnar made a rare public appearance this week at a county fair in rural Saskatchewan to enter — and win! — the bikini contest, thanks to a sexy little number he found in his wife’s closet.

Lesnar’s wife, Sable, debuted the outfit — blank handprints covering the nippular area of each mammary — twenty-two years ago, much to the delight of Jerry Lawler, who shouted “puppies” to demonstrate his fondness for mostly nude, surgically enhanced bosoms.

Lesnar, whose cup size is approximately the same as his wife, threw off his glittering bathrobe during the competition to reveal his handprinted beastboobs, leaving many in the audience simultaneously aroused and terrified.

Sources close to Lesnar say he is currently considering a Playboy deal.