wrestlemania 35 mian event
The leaked trove of documents included this image, which could only have originated from WWE, given the copyrighted nature of the visual assets.

Fans of sports-entertainment will be treated to a “historic clash of generations” this spring when Brock Lesnar defends his Universal Championship against the legendary Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania, according to leaked documents sent Kayfabe News by an anonymous source whom we assume is trustworthy.

The documents — which bear the official WWE logo and are signed by a V.M. (presumably Vince McMahon or Velvet McIntyre) — include a match contract signed by “HH” and a squiggly line believed to be Brock Lesnar’s signature.

Although WWE has publicly denies the veracity of the match contract, calling it “obviously fraudulent and deceptive,” the paperworks been examined closely by several experts — including a friend of my cousin’s who once almost went to law school — and all agree they look pretty real.

Some skeptics, however, suggest the documents may be forgeries, pointing out what they claim are signs of fakery, including:

  • numerous spelling errors throughout, including a repeated misspelling of “Brock” as “Bork”
  • multiple instances of the mysterious acronym LOL, though our experts believe this to mean “Legitimate Orders for Lesnar”
  • The use of so-called “emojis” in place of words, such as: “Hogan will be a babyface even though he has said racist things that make him seem like a piece of [COILED FECES WITH GOOGLY EYES EMOJI]

Without definitive evidence that the documents are forged, however, we must continue with the assumption that they are genuine, and that “Hulk Hogan will totally beat Bork (sic) at WrestleManai (sic) LOL.”

We will provide further updates as this important story develops.

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