lesnar universal
Brock Lesnar says his poetry career won’t let him defend the championship weekly, so relinquishing it is “the right thing to do for the wonderful WWE fans.”

Despite having ascended once again to the pinnacle of sports-entertainment by capturing the WWE Universal Championship at Crown Jewel in [EAST OF EGYPT], Brock Lesnar will announce on Monday Night Raw that he will relinquish the championship to focus on his first and true love, feminist poetry.

Lesnar’s next anthology of poetry, ready for pre-order on Amazon.com prior to its Nov. 29 release date, is an examination of patriarchal hegemony called The Breast Incarnate: Reclaiming My Pectoral Identity.

Lesnar’s two previous anthologies — Pterodactyl Roar of Love, and Suplex My Soul — have won universal acclaim from the New York literary scene and earned him a reputation as the “next big thing” in feminist poetry, continuing the legacy of Sylvia Plath, Lady Mary Chudleigh, and Landrick “Lanny” Poffo.

This week’s episode of WWE Raw is expected to open with Lesnar reading a poem from his new anthology, an excerpt of which has been obtained by Kayfabe News:

eat

sleep

   conquer…

or concur? 

no sir, no more! no corporate whore

Strowman?

No, man!

I’ll throw man,

into history.

no!  into  herstory! 

Not heyman’s story — hey man? Make way, man!

a no-MAN’s land. 

       A plan:

take a stand!

Eat, yes, but sleep no more.

     And repeat!

          repeat!

              SHEpeat!

Lesnar says poetry keeps him “grounded” when he’s away from the ring, as do his other favorite pastimes of scrapbooking and making dreamcatchers to sell on Etsy.