Members of the so-called “Internet Wrestling Community” (or IWC, prounounced “eewuck”) are abuzz this week after some “journalist” named Bad Sheepherder or something published an article in which he ranked the buttocks of female sports-entertainers — an article that might have been acceptable in the so-called Attitude Era, but is sexist by today’s more enlightened standards.
Although every outraged IWC member clicked on the article to see the tushes and evaluate the rankings against their own preferences, they nonetheless expressed justified distaste at the chauvinistic objectification of women.
In an effort to provide a fair and woke counterpoint to this piggish ranking of female WWE superstars as sex objects to be ogled by lonely boys on the internet, Kayfabe News has compiled this list of the most gorgeous male tuchuses of sports-entertainment.
We are confident that this a completely fair and objective ranking, and does not reveal any bizarre fetishes or preferences among our editorial team.
5. Mike “The Miz” Mizanin-Oullet
Fans went wild when The Miz appeared nude on WWE programming and received a little help with his spray-tan from Damien Sandow (now known as Elias). There’s only one word to describe the Miz’s taut hind-quarters: AWESOOOMMME. Little-known fact: the image below is not censored; the Miz’s bottom is naturally pixelated, and we love it that way!
4. Vince McMahon
Mr. McMahon bodacious bottom is best known from his “Kiss My Ass Club,” membership in which was a highly sought-after prize for all WWE Superstars. Commentator Jim Ross, a club alumnus, called it “the greatest honor” of his life, and who could blame him? Just look at those gorgeous glutes.
3. AJ Styles
There are a lot of yummy bummies among the men of WWE, but there’s only one phenomenal one. Countless fans went wild with desire when AJ’s tights tore on live TV, giving us a rare and wonderful glimpse of the haunches that AJ Styles built.
2. The Big Show
Remember when the Big Show had a bra-and-panties match, minus the bra, against Yokozuna? That one was too hot for TV, so it had to happen on WWE’s flagship pay-per-view, Backlash. Lord only knows how many photos of Big Show in his g-string are taped to bedroom walls around the world!
Was there any doubt that this sexy Samoan sugartush would be number one on our list? Rikishi was known to flaunt his perfect posterior at any opportunity, and we fans were the beneficiaries of the scintillating sight of sumptuous cellulite. Back that ass up? Yes please!
We hope this list got your pulse pumping, and provided a much-needed counterpoint to that chauvinistically one-side list published by Bad Sheepherder, or whatever his name is.
Now watch this: