The most trusted name in professional wrestling journalism, this very publication, launched its weekly YouTube newscast today — and, as expected, the resulting surge in online traffic nearly destroyed the global online infrastructure.

An estimated 11 billion viewers tuned in to watch the first episode, in which respected anchor Philip N. Marx delivered highlights from the print edition of Kayfabe News, the world’s most widely read periodical.

Google, Facebook, YouTube, and TOUT — yes, even social media powerhouse TOUT — crashed today due to the upsurge of traffic caused by the inaugural Kayfabe News newscast.

Thanks, however, to backup servers provided by a Russian troll factory (in exchange for some seemingly innocuous information we have about our readers’ voting habits), we are able to show you the premiere episode below.

Be sure to subscribe to the channel immediately to win an incredible Kayfabe News prize pack.*

*No prize pack will be awarded.