BIRMINGHAM, AL — While awaiting surgery for his injured right arm, professional sports-entertainer Braun Strowman was pleasantly surprised to be visited by a colorful cast of characters, but joy quickly turned to agony after the visit of a bedpan-wielding doctor.

“I felt really bad so I brought you some presents,” said Mankind as he hobbled, uninvited, into Strowman’s hospital room carrying balloons and heart-shaped chocolates. “I know you like the sweet stuff — Brauny’s got a sweet tooth!”

Strowman, who specifically requested to have no visitors, shook his head in disbelief as Mankind then crouched beside the bed, pulled a malodorous sweatsock over his hand, and squealed “Say hello to Mr. Socko.”

Before Strowman had a chance to warn Mankind that he was about to “get these hands,” a clown named Yurple appeared at bedside, bearing balloon animals.

Just as the Monster Among Men was about to lose his temper, a doctor on the other side of the room said in a Texan drawl: “I’ll take it from here nurse,” and attacked Strowman with a barrage of fists and — in the ultimate indignity — clobbered Strowman upside the head with a bedpan.

Witnesses to the mayhem described it as “horrifying” and “hilarious” and “strangely familiar.”