Hi there.

Thanks for clicking on the link. It is nice to see you here.

Yes, you. YOU. The specific person reading these words right now. It is nice to see YOU, and only you, here.

No, we’re not speaking in generalities; we are speaking specifically to you, sitting right there, reading these words right now, perhaps in that internal voice that you think is also your external voice until you actually hear a recording of yourself and go “eeeuughhh, do I really sound like that?”

Again, thanks for being here.

Here’s the wrestling rumors you were looking for:

• The current plan for the WreslteMania main event: Brock Lesnar defeats his extra-dimensional doppelganger, Lock Bresnar, to become the inaugural Multiversal Championship
• Shocking revelation: The Fiend is actually a masked John Cena wearing a body suit called a “Husky Hairless”

Having already self-identified as a “grown-ass man” wasting his life in search of wrestling rumors — because you saw the headline, identified with its premise, and clicked anyway — you have provided TitanSports Inc. with valuable market data. This is a legal agreement that can henceforth only be altered if it is retrieved from a briefcase dangled above a wrestling ring.