World Wrestling Entertainment attained record-breaking ratings Friday after it was revealed that Diva Kelly Kelly had been released from her contract.
“Smackdown ratings are off the chart,” said television analyst Reece McCreary of Rating Analytics Corp.
“We can only attribute this meteoric jump in ratings to the official departure of Kelly Kelly.”
WWE announced earlier Friday that the company had “come to terms on the release of Kelly kelly as of today… (and) WWE wishes Kelly Kelly all the best in her future endeavours.”
At precisely the same moment the press release was issued, a huge, collective sigh of relief emerged from wrestling fans worldwide, who were unanimously fed up with watching Kelly Kelly fail to convincingly wrestle, deliver a promo or do anything other than look pretty and busty.
Later that evening, WWE’s Smackdown achieved its highest rating in years as millions of wayward former fans flocked back to WWE programming.
“Thank God that’s over,” posted one prominent wrestling blogger. “If I had to watch that girl flail around through one more stinker, I might never watched wrestling again.”